DOGZPLOT is running an amazing list of practical ADVICE from SAM PINK in the Fall 08 issue. Both Sam and I invite you to visit his BLOG and contribute your own piece of ADVICE. I will then choose my favorites to add to the Fall issue along with Sam's piece. Here are a few pieces of ADVICE.
When putting a razor blade on someone's bagel, for god's sake, cover the razor blade with cream-cheese other wise they'll notice and you'll fail once again in cleansing the earth of your enemies.
Whenever you get a haircut, and someone says, "oh hey, you got a haircut" you should affect a somewhat confused look, then slowly reach your hands up to your head and feel around, and then say "oh my god, how did this happen?" and then become increasingly more terrified and start screaming and keep yelling "oh my god, fuck, how did this happen, it must've happened while I was sleeping oh god oh god oh god." That will most likely keep them from stating things that are obvious.
The best way to get rid of someone you hate is to call them over to use your slip and slide, and before they come over you dig a really big hole at the end of the slip and slide and line the bottom of the hole with knives. Then cover the hole with leaves and be like, "oh no, you go first, I insist". Then when they get ready to go, shoot them in the back of the head and uh, I don't know, figure out something to do with that big hole you dug, because that could hurt someone.