Friday, December 16, 2011


Here's a list of new menu items at various fast food restaurants, from 2011, that I've tried. Some were good. Some sucked ass. 


Dorito Tacos

So, you don't live in Ohio or southeast Michigan so you have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about. You're bad. Because, though I'm not usually a fan of Taco Bell, this shit is delicious. Regular tacos with Nacho Cheese or Cool Ranch Dorito shells. Fuck what ya heard. 

XXL Chalupa

There's actually more meat stuffed in there (or what passes for meat at Taco Bell) instead of just more lettuce and refried beans. I liked them.

Bacon Ranch Chicken Flatbread Sandwich

It is what the name says and for just a dollar it beats the shit out of the normal fast food dollar menus when you get tired of them. Give it a go. It's pretty decent shit. 


French Vanilla Frappe 

Huge fan of the frappe. French vanilla flavored, blended cappuccinos. These things are delicious. Fuck Starbucks. Fuck your favorite indie java joint. Fuck Pluto not being a planet. Fuck Jay-Z. Fuck french fries and french apple pies. But the french vanilla frappes are amazing. My favorite is caramel, then mocha, then french vanilla. Try them all. Love them. Embrace them. 


Didn't have a chance to try this but my daughter did and she says it's good shiz and she's a pretty picky eater. So, I'd take her word.

Caramel Apple Yogurt Parfait

CARAMEL. APPLE. YOGURT. PARFAIT. What? You didn't hear me the first time. Yum. 


Thicker Juicer Burgers 

Exact same weight as the less thick, less juicer burgers, weighing in at 1/4 lb. But the difference is, the grill guy doesn't smash and press the shit out of em. The patties are smaller, but thicker. No real difference in taste, so you either like Wendy's burgers or you don't. I do. I appreciate cold condiments. I don't know why. 

Sea Salt Fries 

Wendy, I know you're daddy's gone and everything, but what the fuck were you thinking? I still love you, though. Call me. 


Chef's Choice Burger 

This thing is pretty good. Little over a 1/3 lb. Bacon, cheese, red onions, romaine, some weird ass wanna be Big Mac sauce, on a tasty artisan style bun. I liked it a lot. It's a little dry so I substitute the weird sauce for traditional Whopper style mayo and ketchup (catsup???). Charging five dollars just for the sandwich is pretty fucking ridiculous though. Get your shit together BK. 

New Thicker Fries 

Same as the old shitty fries, only bigger, so more shit.


Philly Sandwich

"Best Philly sandwich outside of Philly" get the fuck out of here Arby's. This statement is only true if you limit yourself to what's on your menu and even then it's questionable. Don't get me wrong, it's decent. But it's no Philly. They would have had done better to market it as a regular roast beef sandwich with the added amenities, instead of weighing it down with hype it can never live up to. I ate a better Philly at a fucking gas station. 


Jesse said...

Wendy's with me now. I appreciate every salty inch of her sea. Don't call her again or Dave Thomas will ghost shit in your next burger.

DOGZPLOT said...

I don't call her, jesse. you fuck the girl once and she never stops blowing up your cell phone.

r.i.p dave.

Rebekah said...

this is the best thing I read yet today