TITULAR

If you haven't checked out Titular, please do so. The journal is pretty new, I think, and the premise is pretty cool. The title of your work has to be the name of a novel, film, tv show, etc.

There are great stories from lots of great writers:

Kim Chinquee
Claudia Smith
Brandi Wells
JA Tyler
Shane Jones
Blake Butler
Matthew Savoca
Jimmy Chen
Sam Pink
Corey Mesler

and so may more I can't name them all...

and one from myself, so check it out. Really cool stuff going on there.

INTERVIEW - lauren becker

This isn't really an interview. This is more of a series of correspondences arranged in the form of an interview. Lauren Becker is a recent contributor to Dogzplot.


I’m gonna start this out by asking for your hand in marriage. Let’s just get it over with. Will you marry me?

Absolutely. Yes, a million times yes. I’ve loved you since 3rd grade.

Good. It’s done. So I read somewhere that you like cupcakes. I like cupcakes, too. What kind? I like anything chocolate.

Yes, anything chocolate rocks. I guess our wedding cake will have to be chocolate cake with chocolate frosting. Or even better, yellow cake with chocolate frosting. Mmmmmmmmmmm.

So now that our mutual taste in food has been established… I have to tell you about this interesting rejection letter from a guy who wanted my story to roll him up in a carpet and throw him over his own shoulder.

I know that guy. He asks everyone who submits to do strange things with him on carpets. He's pretty cool. One time he made me roll him up and smear sour cream and refried beans all over his face like a burrito. It was during AWP last year in NYC. It was the best day of my life. You ever been to AWP? You should hitchhike there. It’s in Chi-Town.

As much as I like burritos, you're too nice about this guy. He is definitely a douche. Because he rejected my story. Well, the story is not actually that good. I played with it some more and submitted it to a couple of other mags that I hope will not be douches. Or have high standards.

Do you think I should take the names of the rejecting mags off the blog? It's probably a little douchey of me.

What is AWP? Since I don't know what it is, I probably don't go there. But if it's that great, tell me what/where it is and I will go, as I have plenty of spare time and I’m tired of watching cartoons.

I was just watching Big Big World. The main character is a sloth. It’s bad ass. I love cartoons. You? I bet Jessica Rabbit gives really good head.

I don't actually LOVE cartoons but they can be ok. I'll have to check BBW out. No comment on your defamation of Jessica Rabbit, whom I adore, and sometimes fantasize about while writing my sex stories. I did enjoy Fat Albert as a child and Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist as an adult. I know it's not cool and edgy but I'm neither cool nor edgy and I'm ok with that.

And about the hitchhiking. I'm not currently in the mood for being raped and killed. But as soon as that mood strikes, I'll hit the truck stop and get as far as I can before the rape/murder occurs.

Yeah, come to think of it, I don’t know if women would have the same luck hitchhiking as I have. My personal best is Reno to Brooklyn in 3 ½ days. Good point. Don’t do that.

I won't. Thanks for looking out for me. If I were not a "not ugly" girl, I might give it a shot. I could at least hop into one of the cars that pick people up to go across the Bay Bridge so they can use the carpool lane.

I’ve never crossed the Bay Bridge. Maybe I will soon. I ripped off your blog idea and posted one of my own rejections today. It was from ***** **** ****. He took one of mine before. He's pretty cool.

How come you're so nice about your rejectors? Be bitter, like I am. It's way more fun. You and ****** (from **** ****) are way nicer and cooler. Because you accepted my stuff. I'm petty like that.

I like *****. I tried to get her to lick my penis once, but she wouldn’t.

She wouldn’t lick me either but I still like her.

So what are you reading these days?

I’m in the most awesome book group in existence. Because I started it on meetup.com and I'm totally hardcore so I got rid of the losers. I was a dictator at first and chose all the books and people hated me, but I didn't care. OK, I cared a little because I don't like it when people are mean to me.

I picked books that were written by really good authors, but were not their prize-winners or well-known (like Paul Auster -- Oracle Night). No Oprah (ick, ick, ick). So I handpicked a 7 person group, stepped down as dictator, and we rotate on book pickers, each bringing 3 and then we vote. My least favorite person in the group, who is a sweetheart but very literal, is a doctor and she picked a book called The Wrong Boy (Willy Russell), which is written in the form of letters to Morrissey (of the Smiths, which I'm sure you knew). It's pretty good. You in a book group?

I’ve never heard of this Morrissey or Willy Russell or Paul Auster or the Smiths, unless you are referring to Adam Smith, the father of American Capitalism or Kristy Smith, the black haired girl who gave me head in 9th grade.

But yeah, I’m in a reading group, and we’re pro-Oprah, we follow her religiously, so we have nothing more to discuss in that regard. Let’s talk more about rejection letters. Mine are not particularly interesting. All I say is “thanks for the submission, but I’m gonna pass” Should I be doing more?

Yeah, you threatened to pass on mine, which was going to get you a place on my blog of shame. I think you need to be more specific. And mean. So people can hate you and talk about you on their blogs. That nobody reads.

You’re right. Nobody reads. Books, blogs, nothing. Not even this one. Fuck. Do you have a wedding dress yet?

Yes. In anticipation of your proposal, last week I bought a lovely, frilly lace masterpiece at BBW Brides R Us, but, as I am somehow up to 432 pounds from 421, I am having it altered to fit my big, beautiful girth.

However, I am reconsidering our betrothal, as you write fucked-up stories about toothpaste and sex.

Wow. You’re packing on the pounds. Could we be pregnant? Sweet. I’ll check out all the baby books from the library. We’ll name her Sylvia or Virginia. Ernest or Hunter if it’s a boy.

Wait a minute. You tell me my story idea about having sex with a girl while pushing her head into a sinkful of bloody toothpaste, while alternately changing the water from hot to cold, is messed up, yet you write stories about getting off on using other peoples dildos and then leaving them dirty for the next person to use (which is 100 percent hott -- that’s why I asked you to marry me)? Whatever girlie. How old are you anyway?

Twelve. And a half. Pervert. And it's a vibrator, not a dildo. Dildos would just be gross. Vibrators are way more classy. And my story was not hott -- it was sad, though if you liked the vibrator part, that's ok, too. How's your writing going? Can't wait to get a free copy of your book instead of a lame Tiffany engagement ring.

No freebies baby. Ass, cash, or hash. I’m old school. And don’t worry, I wasn’t gonna give you a ring. I have something for you that’s way more classy. It’s homemade.

HOBART 9: the GAMES ISSUE

HOBART has just posted it's table of contents for their special games issue # 9. I can't fucking wait for this thing to come out... just to look at it, smell it, rub it on my face.. ok ok, I know... I seen Joe Wenderoth's name on there and went all Letter's to Wendy's.

That LTW's link is to a twenty-two minute recording of Wenderoth reading LTW's. It's from Salon.com. Download the fucker. Thank me later.

In addition to the print issue, they will also be featuring a corresponding online component similar to ones they've done in the past, sort of a virtual "DVD" bonus features, which includes: alternate endings, author interviews, sketches, etc.

Table of Contents

Stories
E.P. Chiew
Kim Chinquee
Bryan Furuness
Barry Graham (me, I know)
Stefan Kiesbye
Dave Madden
Mary Miller
Grant Perry
Jennifer Pieroni
Brandi Wells
Joe Wenderoth

Personal Essays
Mike Alber
Matt Bell

Comics
Jeffrey Brown
Lilli Carre

Roundtable Discussion
Ryan Boudinot
Jeffrey Brown
Paul LaFarge
John Roderick
conducted by: Matthew Simmons


ORDER this bitch... NOW

NO COLONY / WIGLEAF

NO COLONY just released its contributor's list which includes many DOGZPLOT contributors and friends, including:

Matt Bell
Jimmy Chen
Kim Chinquee
Shane Jones
Sam Pink
JA Tyler
Brandi Wells.

There are other people in their too, great people, people worth reading. NO COLONY, read it, love it, embrace it, reread it again when you are cold and lonely and thinking of me.

WIGLEAF...... is back. "It's pretty fucking sweet, huh?" - Cartman

NEW STORIES from DOGZPLOT folks

Check out some new stuff on the web from DOGZPLOT contributors and friends:

Matthew Savoca
Pequin
DRIPS ARE EVERYTHING

Lauren Becker
Word Riot
CHEMISTRY

Anne Germanacos
Word Riot
SUNDERING TWINS

JR Pearson
Word Riot
TWO POEMS

DOGZPLOT FLASH FICTION ANTHOLOGY - order now

DOGZPLOT FLASH FICTION ANTHOLOGY 2008

"I go to Dogzplot to find out who put the demon in the vestibule, the atom bomb in the kitchen. We need these stories now more than ever."
– Kyle Minor, author In the Devil's Territory

It's finally at the printer. It should be ready to pick up very very soon. I can't wait to see this mothafucka in print.

It is a beautifully bound 5.5 by 8.5 paperback. The cover was designed by Jordan C. Brun.

A few of the contributors include:

Claudia Smith
Matt Bell
Kim Chinquee
Stefan Kiesbye
Elizabeth Ellen
Scott Garson
Chad Simpson
Aaron Burch
Dawn Corrigan
CL Bledsoe
Yu-Han Chao
Simon A. Smith

and so many more bad ass writers that I can't even list em all here.

Complete info, including PAYPAL ordering info is here.

There's also a PAYPAL link right over there on the right side of the blog --------->

Keep doing what you're doing and god bless.

DR. SEUSS - FOX IN SOCKS...SIR

I can't blab such blibber blubber.

My tongue isn't made of rubber.

Mr. Know.

Now come now.

Come now.

You don't have to be so dumb now...

Try to say this,

Mr. Knox please...

Through three cheese trees

three free fleas flew.

While these fleas flew,

freezy breeze blew.

Freezy breeze made

these three trees freeze.

Freezy trees made

these trees' cheese freeze.

That's what made these

three free fleas sneeze.

Stop it! Stop it!

That's enough, sir.

I can't say such silly stuff, sir.

I miss Dr. Seuss. I'm going to the library and checking out all his books and reading them until I pass out. And then when I wake up, I'm going to write a masterpiece.

DAVE SEDARIS on LETTERMAN

Watched Dave Sedaris on Letterman tonight. I expected him to be more clever, funnier, I expected the stuff he read to make my insides feel gooey...... I'm not a fan.

SAM PINK - ADVICE

DOGZPLOT is running an amazing list of practical ADVICE from SAM PINK in the Fall 08 issue. Both Sam and I invite you to visit his BLOG and contribute your own piece of ADVICE. I will then choose my favorites to add to the Fall issue along with Sam's piece. Here are a few pieces of ADVICE.

15.
When putting a razor blade on someone's bagel, for god's sake, cover the razor blade with cream-cheese other wise they'll notice and you'll fail once again in cleansing the earth of your enemies.

24.
Whenever you get a haircut, and someone says, "oh hey, you got a haircut" you should affect a somewhat confused look, then slowly reach your hands up to your head and feel around, and then say "oh my god, how did this happen?" and then become increasingly more terrified and start screaming and keep yelling "oh my god, fuck, how did this happen, it must've happened while I was sleeping oh god oh god oh god." That will most likely keep them from stating things that are obvious.

27.
The best way to get rid of someone you hate is to call them over to use your slip and slide, and before they come over you dig a really big hole at the end of the slip and slide and line the bottom of the hole with knives. Then cover the hole with leaves and be like, "oh no, you go first, I insist". Then when they get ready to go, shoot them in the back of the head and uh, I don't know, figure out something to do with that big hole you dug, because that could hurt someone.

ELIMAE - drew kalbach, kim chinquee, ja tyler

Please check out the July issue of elimae. It is stuffed full with amazing writing, but feel free to start with these stories by DOGZPLOT contributors and friends:

Drew Kalbach
night before the move

Kim Chinquee
card
they'd get uniforms
superhero
pepsi and milk

JA Tyler
well

Howie Good
the extruded plastic liturgy

PLEASE HELP - donate to good cause

Hello loyal DOGZPLOT contributors, friends, readers, writers, and all else. I need your help. Please take the time and stop by this site and donate to a good cause. Please. Whatever you can. CLICK HERE.

Anyone who donates will receive a free copy of the DOGZPLOT FLASH FICTION anthology 2008 and a copy of Drew Kalbach's chapbook, The Zen of Chainsaws and Enormous Clippers.

Keep doing what you're doing and god bless.

PETER SCHWARTZ - artwork

Please check out PETER SCHWARTZ's latest artwork, THE DEATH OF LUXURY. It is the current cover design for CRIT Journal's V. 2, I. 4 - 2008.

JOHN BIANDO - the nimble few

Please check out John Biando's poem, Teachings From the Church of Karnov, in the latest issue of The Nimble Few.

He also has a few in the archives:

Great Levels of Connection
"The chocolate irrigated us," thought Marilyn

COOKIE TREE PRESS - EASTERN MICHIGAN UNIVERSITY

The folks at Eastern Michigan University are now accepting fiction and poetry manuscript submissions.

Here's the info from the publisher:

"COOKIETREEPRESS plans to publish 2-3 amazing books of high quality literary fiction and poetry, annually. We won't describe in a few words here what amazing means to us, so long as you understand we know it when we read it. We like description. We like voice. We like great storytelling. We like taking risks. We like edge, but don’t fall off the side of it. Go ahead and blow our doors off." www.cookietreepress.org


GUIDELINES

SUSURRUS MAGAZINE - peter schwartz

"The Guitar Blade"

Check out this interview in SUSURRUS MAGAZINE, featuring DOGZPLOT's art editor, PETER SCHWARTZ.

My favorite part of the interview:

SM: Can you tell us a little bit about your creative process?

PS: Actually I can't.

That's brilliant.

THE ZEN OF CHAINSAWS AND ENORMOUS CLIPPERS - drew kalbach

Drew Kalbach's The Zen of Chainsaws and Enormous Clippers, will be the first release in the ACHILLES CHAPBOOK SERIES.

From the author:

"it's full of poems about your mother. i think it may border on copyright infringement. mel gibson said he hates it more than the jews. several children read the manuscript, but they started crying. one of my friends had an epileptic seizure reading it. my mother threatened to disown me if i go through with getting it published. one poem, if read backwards, will summon satan from the underworld. it is full of coded child pornography messages and websites. there is a full color glossy photo of me naked wrapped in a mink fur coat in the very middle. it will cost ten dollars plus a pint of blood, and the blood will go to my private blood collection. new zealand already banned it, and it was burned in idaho twice. my dad says it's the best thing ever, he said he is very proud of me, then he cried and divorced my mother. people say the first three poems are cursed. people have claimed to see the ghost of hitler after reading it. it is a tribute to the ninja turtles disguised as a marilyn manson song disguised as real poetry. it is so deep and layered that you can't read it, you must climb through it. there is no depth, i wrote it all in a word document in 24 hours, it's meaningless, just random words from television commercials strung together. it is actually sponsored by kellog's cereal and by trojan condoms. most people laugh when they read it but really i intended for them to say hmmm and have a very thoughtful and faroff look on their face. my girlfriend wrote two of the poems, she isn't really my girlfriend, he is actually a blind border collie, she is a dog. the last poem is about beastiality and bill clinton, not in that order. it is endorsed by ron jeremy."

Excerpt from Monotone:

"The year starts and ends in winter. It's inaccurate to say our relationship is based on temperature, but lack of warmth is a huge aspect. Nothing changes our respect for vanity plates and porcelain mugs with racecar drivers in profile. Every day we walk up three steps and slip on the fourth, but take it as a good omen. When the snow starts in December, it's the staircase again, but in rain boots and carrying long black umbrellas. Hand gestures float across the dinner table like sign language in an attempt to convey mute sarcasm."

More info coming soon...